Here are some letters that John sent to his friends at WKLH.

Letters to WKLH:

06/07/02
To: Dave and Carole and KB

I miss Milwaukee.
As I sit here after killing something known as a palmetto bug, I ponder on my summer choice to work in Tampa, Florida. By the way, a palmetto bug is a roach that looks a lot like a large, pre-historic water bug.
It somehow made its way through. Looking at it you would have thought it would have gone with the dinosaurs... God its big and ugly and was in my bathroom. Welcome to Florida homosexual.
Anyway...

Of course my choice was made by the fact that the Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center is presenting Shear Madness. I now realize that a summer show will be successful because no one goes outside here after May 15th. It is so damn hot. If someone had told me today that it was 137 degrees I would have believed.
You walk outside and need a shower. All I do is go from one air-conditioned spot to the next. My ultimate
goal is to go home and take off my wet underwear. Do you know what I'm talking about???

I envy anyone who has the privilege of spending the summer in Milwaukee. This weekend is GAY PRIDE in Milwaukee. For all of those proud I salute. Those still shamed...go to Pride Fest and see how the other half lives. If you are shamed by the proud...Oh Well I tried.

Last night was Jazz in the Park. For those who enjoyed the experience, you wine tasting, cubed cheese, expensive cracker eatin connoisseur of all things cool...I wish I could have joined you. I would have been back by the tree next to the Beer Booth. Did you ever check that area out and wonder..."Wow...what a bunch of good lookin, single men...what's going on back there.." GAY GAY GAY  that's what's going on back by the Beer tree. Loads of fit and trim and cute and cruisin gay guys...Oh God Take me home... I heard that KB
was spotted asking someone for hair color advise. "KEEP IT FROSTED" is what was heard above the COOL JAZZ there in Cathedral Square.

I miss you guys and look forward to coming home for a couple days in a few weeks.

JOHN

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09/26/00   
To: Dave and Carole
Subject: GAY B... MY GOD YOU HAVE NO SHAME

Heh Guys

What a nightmare I experienced when I slipped into the photo gallery and came face to face with the new photo campaign for "Lady Eplatey"..."the easy way for complete body hair removal."
Gay B what's up with the completely shaved body???

If you were a swimmer coming home from one of the medal award winning relays in Sydney I could understand but PLEASE.

Lord Honey you've got to get outdoors. You remind me of every one of my parochial classrooms...CHALKY... HELLO

First I need to know what made you take your clothes off when you knew there was a camera in the room.
Second I need to ask if that was a child's guitar. You looked kind of big behind it. And I don't mean any part of the body in particular. All of you Gay B.
First CHALKY .... Now FLESHY ... AND FOR THE WORLD TO SEE.

YOU ARE JUST BEYOND YUMMY...

Hope all is well. I will be home on Sunday. Hoping I can see you all in studio early in the week.
KB bring your guitar and we'll do a couple numbers.

Call me at home if you want to chat... I am up vacuuming and dusting.

Thanks you Guys - You're the BEST

JOHN

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08/23/00
To: Dave and Carole
Subject: SURVIVING SURVIVOR

Hope all is well.

As I sit down after my show to watch the taped conclusion of "SURVIVOR" I am a little concerned....
Who will take home the big bucks??? I know what you are thinkin.
"John is hoping the gay guy Richard takes home the money " but in truth you would be wrong in thinking that. I am beside myself with shame over the goings on of the mean-spirited, fleshy, let me take off my clothes and show my big butt, let me turn everyone against anyone but me, HOMO. He is just not a likable gay guy. Which is so sad to me. Why couldn't they have found a good-humored, great-looking, style-minded, nice to men and women alike guy. But no...Richard is what the viewing public in middle America think all gays guys are like. Hoping the money stays out of his hands.

Then there is Rudy. Oh God Please don't let him take home the money. He is such the crabby dad who is still mad he had to fight the war. He has earned at least a million dollars in wisdom... this is what he should be happy to take home. Don't be surprised if after this is all over he ends up moving in with Richard. Can't you see the headlines, Crabby and Flabby moving to San Francisco...

Then there is Kelly. Cute, young, nice and not ready for 1 million dollars. Sorry but no...

Give the money to Susan. She is a no-nonsense, truck-driven, Wisconsinite with the sensibilities we are all born and blessed with. She makes me proud. She tells it like it is and isn't afraid to share her opinion. I have been aligned to her from the beginning. We'll see. ..

By the time you read this the million will have gone to one of these "survivors".
In the mean time, I am a little afraid of the wave of reality based television. I can only imagine what's to come next.
Hope you guys are well.

JOHN

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08/16/00
To: Dave and Carole
Subject: SKIDDING INTO SEPTEMBER

Happy middle of August... As this summer skids to its final stop and the kids look for that last feeling of ever weekend days and Friday night-like every night curfews and parents count the moments before routine becomes routine I am reminded of falls past. I am reminded of those last few days of summer vacation when the impending first day back to school is looming like the calm before the proverbial storm. Fall...

One more year...One class closer...One more September to acknowledge age, back in the days when age was important and getting older was something we just couldn't wait to happen.

Memories of those last minute trips to the Sears boys department with my mom asking that white shirted, tie a little too short, pocket protected, hair receding, glasses a little large for that small face on the oh so large frame, "Where can we find the husky boys department?" HUSKYS...That's right my outfits came out of the HUSKY department. HUSKY...Why didn't they just say "Heh fatty...Yea you lard ass your moms buying you fat clothes."

I hated the HUSKYS...I wasn't husky till the 7th grade. It happened because of the Milwaukee Journal. I had a paper route delivering the Milwaukee Journal on Oakland Avenue between Kenwood and Riverside Park. The block between Linwood and Locust had Snacks-O-Rama. First there was Lisa's Pizza which if I was lucky Ricky Bonjorno would give me a piece of pizza if I timed my delivery right. Next was Econo Drugs which was in the building where the copy place is today. There I would stop and have Mike Kroll make me a strawberry malt and serve it with a bag of Gieser potato chips. "Be wiser buy Gieser." Next was East Side Foods where I stopped and bought a roll of Stark candy. Remember those wafer candies that reminded me of sweet Jesus hosts...Then  came Plotkins Deli on the corner of Oakland and Locust. I would stop and eat a corned beef sandwich. I would finish my paper route and run home and have dinner every night by 5:00 p.m. By the time I got into the 7th grade I was wearing HUSKYS. By the time I got out of 8th grade there was some concern about this chunky little kid, HUSKYS...

My relief is that sometime after high school I came to terms with my wideness and promised I would never visit the adult version of the HUSKY department...The Big and Tall Men's Shop.

Its been years since I've been to Sears but as September runs to meet us I hope that "HUSKY" has been removed as a descriptive. I also suggest that anyone who has a child gaining weight in the middle of 7th grade...Blame it on the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel.

JOHN

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08/06/00
To: Dave and Carole
Subject: VISIONS OF VACATION

Hope all is well this week without Italy-Bound Dave.
How THREE COINS IN A FOUNTAIN of him. How Audrey Hepburn in ROMAN HOLIDAY. Talk about a vacation. Italy in the summer. Romance...Intrigue....Cuisine....Culture....History... Good for him and Cindy.

With Dave in Italy I have visions of the summer vacations taken by the rest of the crew. Thought I would share these visions...

Gay B- I am hoping your family vacation to Wisconsin Dells was exciting. There is nothing like a paddle-boat tour of the oh so interesting dells land formation. The never tiring Native American gifts to be purchased in those quaint taffy-fudge selling corner shops. The nights spent at the local Swedish House Smorgasbord and that one-last trip back to the Steamship of Roast Beef Station. " Excuse me -could I get a sharper steak knife and what do you mean BEER isn't included in the all you can eat price"??? The t-shirts bought and brought home to those friends waiting with baited breathe to the Friday Night Pizza-eating showing of your Wisconsin Dells -on -a- Budget Home Movies. Oh Gay B a vacation with you would be a thing dreams are made of.
Sue... trust me, you are going to heaven when this is all finished.

Carole. I am sure your long weekend in Door County in the oh-so out of the way-bed and breakfast with the late afternoon tour of Door County Winery was something to talk about. The long evening walks with Lou through Fish Creek and the ultimate stop at the local artist jewelry foundry. Baubles to make even your heart pound a bit faster. Nothing like purchasing a little around the neck, finger or wrist adornment. Especially when you can finance the house-building of a local artisan. OH THEY LOVE TO SEE YOU COMIN..."The jewelry lady is back. I can add a room to the house and send my kids to a private school." The ride into Peninsula State Park to spend a few hours with the American Folklore Theater. "Lou did you remember to bring the bug spray for Christ sake?"
The late night lets skip dinner and find a wine bar to share a bottle or two of something white, crisp and California. The long awaited arrival back to the bed and breakfast and the hot night with all sexual caution thrown to the wind. Long, disgusted, knowing glances of the other "guests" of the bed and breakfast at the community dining table the following morning. " Are you the couple in the VICTORIAN SUITE... NICE JEWELRY, LADY...".
"Lou did you remember to call the sitter and see how the kids are doin?"
"COULD YOU DO THAT PLEASE...I am on my way to my shiatsu deep tissue massage session".

Steve...I am hoping your week spent waiting for the rain to quit so you can clean your in-ground Olympic size pool and your family size gas grill is a lesson in patience and an indoor activity jamboree. Hoping you get a few days where the modem to your computer fails and you have to look your wife and kids in the face and say "SO WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO NOW???"

Hoping summer vacation is all we need, all we hope, all we dream. Hoping when we return after that vacation we all appreciate what we've been away from and feel blessed to be able to return. Thanking the Lord for memories, we plug back to work-mode and spend moments day-dreaming of what and where is our next escape.

Thinking of you guys. Just wanted to let you know how I feel.

JOHN

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07/26/00
To: Dave and Carole
Subject: CAROLE'S ISLAND DEPARTURE

Heh You Island Campers

So Carole what the hell happened? I was shocked to see you voted off...
First Gay B and then you...
What is goin on....So typical a straight MAN'S world. Get rid of all those not us.
First the queers then the woman.
OR MAYBE... Did you ask off the island?
Not enough comforts for the girliness in you girl?
Didn't they let you bring your jewelry box with you? Or did they and they got sick of lookin at those diamonds?
Were you accessorizing way too much for island life???
Was there a highball hour on the island?? I know if there wasn't you had as little somethin to say. I am sure you snuck on at least one of those lovely wine in a bag liters. You first use as a water pillow and then as a cocktail hour helper. The bag must have been emptied then the group turned on you...I can only imagine. TRAGIC...
Who is next???
I am still upset I wasn't invited.
In the words of GLORIA GAYNOR my slogan would have been "I WILL SURVIVE"...
My regards to all...

JOHN

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07/19/00
To: Dave and Carole
Subject: A GAY ISLANDER???

NO GAY GUYS ON THE ISLAND....PALEEZE HOW RUDE....
WE NEED TO TALK

I heard that Gay B has been kicked off the island. First kicked off is much like last chosen to play....don't you agree KB???

I need a lift to the island. When can I expect the shuttle??

My bags are packed...I'm ready to go...
I'm standing here outside your door.... I hate to wake you up to say goodbye...

What a different world it would be to bring a gay guy to your island.
Not only would the place look cleaner, fashion would suddenly appear. That's right I would be like the Howells on Gilligan's Island. Different outfit everyday and a fragrant lei to make us feel tropical. My simple appearance would bring such a proof of masculinity to the rest of you that you would be grateful for my presence. I may not be able to build a hut but you can bet your bottom that I would be able to decorate it.

GET ME TO YOUR ISLAND KIDS...
YOU NEED ROYALTY...THIS QUEEN IS READY TO RULE

JOHN

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07/06/00
To: Dave and Carole
Subject: GAY B...CONTINUED

Hope all is well and your Independence Day Celebrations were joyous.
I got an email from a friend who told me of KB's irritability over the Gay B thing.

KB ...get over it.

Like people really think your a big Gay Guy????
Like your wife and your family are waiting for the messy divorce followed by the new bachelor pad shared occasionally with a young, worked-out, is he or isn't he, just met, new best "friend".
Like the co-workers in "creative" at the ad agency are whispering behind your back "I knew it all along".... "he sings from Pippin for Christ sake..."
Like the guys on your softball team now question the occasional pat on the butt and never ask you out to the sports bar after the game for that pitcher of Miller Genuine Draft....or is it Miller Lite the quenches that oh so not gay taste????
Like all your listeners who rely on your sports expertise will switch stations the moment they hear your sports desk mic turned on...and the entire gay community tunes in to your "View from the couch"....

Maybe I go to far...Maybe like me KB you love to give and hate to get. No pun intended.
I just like to give you a hard time. I enjoy your macho way...and your are such a good sport.
Love you like a brother...PROMISE.

JOHN

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06/29/00
To: Dave and Carole
Subject: BOY SCOUTS OF AMERICA?

Heh Dave, Carole, GayB and Steve,

Hope all is well.

I am sitting here in my apartment over-looking Union Square in downtown San Francisco. I am in a sweatshirt and heavy cotton socks because its the coldest summer day I have ever experienced. Not that you asked " What are you Wearing", but I thought it important to share. My spirits are a little chilled today as well, over the fact that once again one of my life dreams has been extinguished by a simple Supreme Court Decision. That's right you guys... John's hope of getting into a Leadership role with the BOY SCOUTS is now out of the question. My plans of bringing important life skills such as:

1- HOUSE CLEANING AND BASIC DECORATING for the ADOLESCENT

2-COOKING SOMETHING SMART AND FABULOUS ON A BOY SCOUT BUDGET

3-MOOD LIGHTING AT AN OUTDOOR CAMPSITE

4-SENSIBLE FASHION ACCESSORIES FOR THAT OH SO "ADD A SPLASH" TO THAT BASIC UNIFORM-(SLOGAN FOR THE CLASS-"KHAKI CAN BE FUN AND SASSY")

5-MERIT BADGES BASED ON BROADWAY MUSICAL KNOWLEDGE...(gay b- KB...excited?)

6-PHYSICAL EXERCISES BASED ON THE PHILOSOPHY OF THE PERSON WHO CREATED JAZZERCISE WITH ALL MOVEMENT DONE TO THE BEAT OF THE VILLAGE PEOPLE.

THESE PLANS HAVE BEEN DASHED....THESE SKILLS NOT OFFERED....ITS A SAD SAD DAY.

Oh well... I need to remind you that I only made it as far as WEBLOWS....that's that gray area between cub scouts and boy scouts....where you are supposed to learn knots. I spent most of my time cleaning my weblow leader's house...

still quite an active member in the WEBLOWS......... in my own way.... of course

Just wanted to let you know how I feel...
Be good you guys.

JOHN

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06/13/00
To: Dave and Carole
Subject: GAY B...WHO'S YOUR PHOTOGRAPHER?

Heh Guys

Hope things are well. I am hoping GayB has taken my advice and purchased the reading list I suggested. It's important to research so as not to feel so alone in his coming-out journey.

If he hasn't purchased the list as of yet my feeling is the he at least purchase "THAT'S MR. FAGGOT TO YOU." It just seems to fit his cranky little way. Don't you agree?

I am sending a picture of me along with this email. I was looking at your new web page and was a little horrified at the pictures of "the cast." Did you all take a little group trip to the county jail for the photo call? OH MY GOD.... How do you spell FUGLY??? I know you guys...the little brownie camera just didn't do justice. You all look like your pictures were cut off the milk carton and then traced, shaded in, then faxed on to thermal paper and scanned into a file that was lost....
I know we can do better. I would sue...

Just wanted to let you know how I feel.
Hope things are well.

JOHN

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